i'm holding back my tears right now.
trying so hard to force this tears not to roll down this cheeks anymore. you've seen me cried once and i think that enough. but i'm like going to cry again.
but, fucked it up! the tears falled!

how many times should i tell you this.

"you should know me by now. i won't cheated on you. i won't leave you. believe me and trust me. "

its my fault for saying you're ridiculous earlier on at the text msg that i've sent. cause the way you replied me was like tk happy. like something that i can sense that something is not right.

sometimes i just felt that you don't even believe or trust me at all. like as if i'm doing something up to no good behind your back. me? like that, no way. assuming things that is not true wouldn't make things any good. sometimes its really ridiculous of you to think that way. told you so many times, and i guess it didn't even get into your head just yet. yes i know jealous tanda sayang.maybe you are. i thought things will change to the better after that night that we spent together. i was smiling all the way that things will go better and things will go our way. but no. it didn't. it haven't yet. that smile faded away so fast that i can't even try to run and catch it back.

make me smile once more. make the smile that won't fade away so quickly.
you've never fail to make me happy. only once in a while that things goes wrong and after that, all the bad things and sadness had gone far away. and i'm back to the smiling track.

let me just share this to you. no other guys that can replace you. you're the first guy that i can feel the love is so deep. i truly love you. cause i can sense that you and i will be last long. i can't compare your understanding , care and concern, love, happiness to some of my Exs. cause, they don't understand, care and love me at all. cause to them having a girl around them is like having a lot of money. like they're proud of at least having a girl. like to them, "oh girls, so what?. they know nothing." "girlfriend? biar uh.!" i've went out with that kind of guys before. but not you, you understand me fully. even though we're opposite. you're not like them. when i'm around you, i can feel so safe and secure. when each time, we going our separate way, i don't want to let you go. i truly appreciate for everything that you've had done. i don't care about wealth, how you look like and all. for all i know, the heart that counts. i'm proud to have you as my love. cause you're a nice guy and really the guy that i really want to spent my whole life with.

stop thinking negatively. stop all that stupid nonsenses. i don't want any one of us to be hurt once more. no no no!.

repeat this to yourself, " stop assuming things. don't ever try to think any negative thoughts. love her and cherish her. cause she herself loves you and cherished you."

B! LISTEN UP! I LOVE YOU AND I REALLY DO. I MISS YOU!. i badly want to meet you tonight!